Tonya Mann

I was born in Wisconsin to very loving Christian parents, the youngest of four children.  Growing up everyone thought that I was a happy child.  That was only on the outside. From age 9 to 17, I was molested.  I was very sad, shy, afraid of everyone, and had very few friends.  When I was 16 I met my husband and got married to him at 19 years old.  We moved to Connecticut where he was stationed in the Navy and started our family.  Emotional problems started so we began counseling with our pastor.  I had so many changes in my life, married, moving from my family, and expecting a new baby.  We made several moves over 26 years, California, Florida, Hawaii, back to Connecticut, and then Pennsylvania.  Hawaii is such a beautiful place.  We were in paradise but depression was taking over and I was getting so unhappy.  I started hanging out with people I should not be with and started drinking and going to the clubs.  A doctor had me convinced that my problem was my husband, Steve, and had me have him move out.  My first suicide attempt came by overdosing on pills and soon it would be a way of life for me. They would not let me go home from the hospital until Steve moved back into the house.  I got where I did not like myself.  I thought that I was the ugliest thing on this earth.  I could not cope with anything, and started self-mutilating myself.  In and out of the psychiatric hospitals I went.  I had a friend tell me that she would rather lose me as a friend then to lose me to death.

I was on an emotional roller coaster and was emotionally stable for short periods at a time.  When our third son was 13 months old we started the process of adopting a little girl, which we received 4 years later.  Shortly after she came the military moved us back to Connecticut.

The good times did not last very long.  I came down with Distonia, which are involuntary muscle movements.  I could no longer hold my head up and was bent over to the side at the waist. I had to walk with a cane because my balance was so bad and it got to where I could not drive.  The pain was so severe.   After several months and several doctors, they found out that it was caused by medication.  There was no cure for it.  The doctors tried everything that there was.  This did not help with the way that I felt about myself.  Again, I went in and out of the hospitals.  The doctors tried shock treatment but it only helped for a couple of days.

I finally could not handle life anymore. I wrote my family a letter telling them that they would be better without me.  With trying three different suicides together, I knew that one of them would work.  God was definitely not going to let me go.  When I woke up the doctor told me he had good news.  I had no internal damage.  I was so angry.  For 10 weeks, I was in a hospital and not wanting to live.  While there, the doctor wanted to commit me into the state hospital, but to do that my husband would have to divorce me so I wouldn't have any medical insurance.  My husband picked up the Evangel, the Church of God magazine, and saw an article on Peniel and called them.

April 1, 2002 I came to this place of refuge.  I found out that I had addictions.  I soon learned to love myself and I started taking pride in how I looked and what I did.  Peniel taught me how to be a mother again and how to take responsibility as being a wife.  They taught me how to solve problems without hurting myself and to cope with everyday life.  While in the program, God healed me emotionally, spiritually and also from the Distonia.  By the time I graduated, I was standing up tall and the pain was gone.  I even was able to play volleyball and run.

After one year of completing the program, I decided to go to school to be an Information System Specialist in the medical field.  My dream was to return to Peniel and work in the Medical Department. I wanted to give back to the program whatever I could because they had given so much to my family and me.  I thought that would not ever happen since it was 500 miles from where we lived.  After I finished my schooling, I received a call to come on staff.  My husband said that for over 25 years, he dragged the children and I around the country for his job so now it was time to move for my job.  He was willing to give up a great job for us to come into ministry where he will be part of the pastoral team.

We moved to Johnstown in August 2006.  I now am a part of a great staff under the leadership of Dr. Marion Spellman.  God has brought us a long way.  To God be the glory.